Welcome to September everybody. Didn’t that arrive quickly? I’m sorry I haven’t been writing as much lately, I’ve been giving myself a break to try and get better in time for starting a new job.

I’m now a month into the new job and I’m really enjoying it so far. I don’t want to speak too soon because I wrote quite a self-rightous ‘I know what I want to do with my life’ post about a year ago and then I actually ended up quitting that job.

My point is, I thought I had everything together about this time last year and then, as life does from time to time, it all went a bit shit for a while. It was so frustrating, I’d just got better, I’d just moved to the South to live with Matt atlast and then I was going to start my career in the education sector in the big smoke. Safe to say, things didn’t quite go to plan.

This is what has kind of led me to writing this post and what I hope you also come to the realisation of by the end of reading this. Think of the most successful person you know – someone you look up to, admire and think – man, I wish I was them.

I’m going to use Beyonce, because, well it’s Beyonce. Duh! The most successful woman in music – the beauty, the brand and the business of Beyonce just screams I WANT TO BE HER!

Bath Bey, looking fabulous.
Bath Bey, looking fabulous.

However, I, like many others realise that I am missing some vital ingredients to be Bee.

First of all, we only see a snippet of the Queen herself. Her best version. A version that has be sculpted and refined over years and years with a team of advisors, editors and stylists by her side.

We don’t see where she’s had a shit day and blows her diet on a whole tub of nutella or a drunken double cheeseburger at 2am. We don’t see her having a mini-breakdown because the size 14 trousers she bought won’t zip up. We also don’t see her waking up after a nightout with make up down her face and an empty pizza box next to her wondering if you still have friends.

I don’t imagine Beyonce has many of those moments – or atleast she appears to have got it under wraps if she does. I have though.

I often put so much pressure on myself to fix everything. ‘Everything is wrong, I’m such an embarrassment, I’m never going to lose weight, I’m a failure.Why can’t I sort myself out?’ – just a sample of passing negative thoughts that go through my mind.

My point is, we always seem to think we have to fix or work on things here and now. ‘2017 is my year’ or ‘it’s time for a new me’. For some reason, we go from 0-100 in a matter of seconds but we’re here for a whole life time.

Matt told me recently that he was really proud of me for how far I’d come from a few months ago. I naturally dismissed him and gave him a load of reasons as to why I wasn’t worthy of being proud of. The next thing he told me really made me smile. He said, ‘Lauren – you’re a long term project, you’ve just got to keep working on it’.

It’s kind true though isn’t it? We forget that we’re still growing, we’re still learning and we’re still figuring this whole ‘life’ thing out. So now, anytime I’m down on myself, I have to remember that it’s all part of the project. Beyonce wasn’t built in a day, and I’m still at the construction stage.

Positive of the day: I found out we’re going to an escape rooms with work on Friday. I’m well excited!