08:13 – Goodnight, God Bless – So I’ve taken you all through the night and I think we’ve done a pretty good job of giving you a totally biased and drunken coverage of the election. I’m going to get some sleep but I’ll do an analysis post this weekend. Goodnight, God Bless and Thank the Lord for Jeremy Corbyn!

jeremy-corbyn

07:36 – Character Analysis – Theresa May is currently running through fields of wheat…
wheat

07:05 – Wake Up World – It’s a hung parliament!

04:23 – Nap time x2 – I think I’m going to have to retire from the blog for the night. I’ll update after my nap!

04:11 – Nap time – Jade is having a nap. She is getting a train in 3 hours and 45 minutes to work #prayforjade 

04:02 – TORY HOUR – Matt’s just had his first poo of the night. Makes a change from the usual shit coming out of his mouth.

03:34 – Update – We’re still going. We’ve lost a Tory – we’ve gained a labour supporter. We’re currently 3-1.

03:06 – Islington – OHHHH JEREMY CORBYN! OOOH JEREMY CORBYN!

electable

03:00 –  TORY HOUR courtesy of Tzanis – ‘Theresa May needs to be hung for this…’ in a hung parliament whey!

02:55 – Twickenham – Vince Cable Regains Seat from Cons!

02:46 – NICK CLEGG LOSES SEAT – HUGE!

02:40 – New arrivals – We have a new recruit on the team. Welcome Calum Stone representing Labour and Alexander Tzanis representing the Tory’s.

02:34 – Memeconomy – The sheer amount of memes that have been created throughout this election should surely create enough revenue to keep Britain strong and stable?

02:28 – Braveheart – ‘They may take away our lives, but they’ll never take our freedom! – unless your Scottish seat was just taken by the Conservatives. Battle won in Scotland tonight?

02:15 – Second wind? – Coffee. Bring me coffee and alcohol:

coffee

02:14 – Jade Takeover – If it wasn’t for that exit poll then I’d probably be asleep right now.

02:06 – Bet’s On Jeremy Corbyn is 11/10 to be the next prime minister.

02:00 – TORY O’CLOCK – It’s just not going very well is it.

01:52 – Ru Paul’s Take –

turns out

01:49 – Rob Day Take Over – Just had a phone call chanting ‘oh Jeremy Corbyn’ on repeat. Momentum is still high and alcohol is clearly still flowing!

01:40 – Vale of Clwyd – Labour gain! Wooo.

01:34 – Democracy – D-D-D-Democracy.

01:32 – West Brom East – Tom Watson re-elected. Good man.

01:21 – Wigan – My favourite pie town just got better. Labour hold!

01:15 – Update – I’m going to struggle to keep up with this. I’m going to stick to commenting now and again so I can continue drinking. Stick to the BBC for actual coverage.

01:15 – Harrogate – Cons hold.

01:13 – Rutherglen & Hamilton West – Labour gain! Huge!

01:12 – Llanelli – Labour hold.

01:12 – North Down – Independent hold. I quite like independents.

01:10 – Wrexham – Labour hold – great defence Ian!

01:09 – Swindon – Tory take it!

01:05 – TORY HOUR UPDATE – Matt actually said something – ‘coalition of chaos!’ Cliche – he should write for the Sun.

01:04 – Character Analysis by Jade – On Theresa May, ‘gobshite, she’s just a gobshite.’

01:00 – TORY HOUR – Exhales deeply. Nothing more to say. Let’s just assume he said Brexit again.

00:52 – Darlington – Jenny Chapman holding on. Yes Labour!

00:47 – The Swing – All this talk of ‘swing’ and this is the only swing I really care about. 

swing dog.gif

00:44 – Workington – Working it, Labour hold!

00:43 – Bailsbury & B… – Tory hold.

00:42 – BBC Commentary – ‘what we’re seeing here is ‘the revenge of the remainers” – is this the newest film in the star wars series?

00:41 – Middlesborough – Labour hold.

00:40 – 2 more Tory seats – Kind of missed where and when but it’s 6-4 at the moment.

00:26 – Kettering – Not sure where that is but it must be shit because Conservatives have got a seat there…

00:23 – Jade Takeover – An old man just said meme on the BBC. Why are you ruining it for us?

00:22 – Money Tree – We have concluded that the money trees can be found in the fields of wheat.

00:20 – Newcastle North – Labour hold – 0.6% swing

00:16 – Seat 6 – Why is the BBC showing 6 Labour seats? What have we missed?

00:11 – Passing Time – Fuck me, how long does it take to count man? I’m getting a little impatient.

00:07 – Sunderland West – Labour holds it!

00:00 – TORY HOUR – Our Tory contingent: ‘I’m thoroughly underwhelmed.’ I’d imagine like most women when they date a Tory.

23:59 – David Dimbleby – Sass from Dave about the sound quality and a fly in the studio.

23:58 – Swindon North – Conservatives get their first seat of the night!

23:55 – Another Newcastle – Nick Brown elected – Labour! Waheyyy.

22:52 – Exclusive quote from Jeremy Corbyn: ‘Hung parliament you say?’

hung parliment.jpg

23:47 – Conclusion from the North East – Labour is strong in the North East! Lady in red is making it sound like Conservative’s have had a great day so far. I think May would possibly disagree.

23:45 – Sunderland #2 – Labour take it! 3rd female MP – go ladies!

23:34 – Rumour has it – Amber Rudd has lost her seat in Hastings. More to come!

23:19 -Hula Jez –

 hula jez.gif

23:13 – Jade Takeover (about Theresa May) – ‘I hope that she is having a little bit of a word with herself and having a little cry.’

23:11 – BBC’s Counting – They’ve finally put the total up to 2. Optimistic for the higher numbers.

23:09 – BBC’s Counting – Jade: What’s going on with this counting? It goes 1 then 2. Come on BBC?! I mean I’m an accountant. I do have the qualifications for this…

23:06 – Sunderland #1 – After some sort of robotic report, Labour have done it again. Jade actually said #represent.

23:04 – BBC Commentary – Bullshit analysis.

23:01 – Newcastle – Chi Onwurah has taken the first seat for Labour and in the election. Get in there!

23:00 – TORY HOUR – Matt is feeling strong and stable. He says: ‘money tree, brexit, and one more strong and stable for good luck.’

22:59 – Character analysis by Jade: ‘Theresa May is a snaky bitch.’

22:41 – BBC News coverage – Lady in red: ‘the conservative chances in Scotland are maybe better than the conservative chances in England’. Caveat has been repeated a lot. A drinking game has commenced.

22:40 – Snack choices – Breadsticks, humous, dips and ciders. Don’t worry we’ll bring out the pork pies in a bit for the Labours.

22:38 – Exit Polls – ‘Jezza looks to have smashed the shit out of it’ – Jade Slater (JS), ‘Something boring and tory’ – Matt Eldridge (ME), ‘I have an unusual amount of hope tonight. Maybe it’s the alcohol?’ – Lauren Gillett (LG).

—————————————————————————————————————————————–Hello and welcome to the Stop The World live election update. Your home of totally biased and drunken opinions.

Tonight joining me is a left and right, and don’t forget two wrongs don’t make a right so DON’T BE A TORY. We will be doing tory hour every hour where our conservative contingent will be giving his shit opinions.

Feel free to comment and suggest things! Updates all night!

jez we can