I had a bit of a throwback Thursday this week and had a listen to one of my favorite teenage angst artists, P!nk (yes that’s how it’s spelt).
One of my favorite songs from that album is ‘Don’t Let Me Get Me‘. It’s one of those songs that resonates with me now more than ever, particularly the lyrics: Every day I fight a war against the mirror//I can’t take the person starin’ back at me//I’m a hazard to myself.
I was reading an article from the Blurt foundation about the relationship between depression and perfectionism. The more down we are, the more down on ourselves we are, and vice versa. It’s a vicious circle.
Far too often I get told that I’m my own worst enemy. However, I really don’t see myself as a perfectionist. There are certain situations where I just accept that just good enough is good enough. For example, my degree – I wanted a 2:1. I didn’t care how close to 60 I got, as long as I got it. I went out, I had a great time at uni and worked several part time jobs and pulled it out of the bag in third year. To be honest, I cared more about my overall experience than how perfect my academic score was.
On the other hand, there are other things that I set ridiculously high standards for – like work. I don’t know why, I don’t know how it came about but I have to know I’m doing a good job at work. It’s probably the one thing that when I’m having a bad phase, is affected the most. I either go into super worker mode where I try and work 24 hours of the day and make loads of mistakes or go into denial mode, where I can’t concentrate and suddenly get incredibly overwhelmed with everything.
I have tried to quit one job, actually quit another and luckily in both companies had a very supportive line manager who persuaded me to stay until I was better in one case and respected my decision in the other.
I think one of the most important things to remember, is having these exceptionally high standards or being a perfectionist in one sense is a really incredible trait to have. Alternatively, it makes you a hazard to yourself. It really opens up your mind to more criticism than you’ll ever hear from anyone else.
In a world full of so much unnecessary criticism which can be found on every media platform, it’s so important to acknowledge your strengths and weaknesses and remember that no one is perfect.
I have to remind myself (pretty much everyday) not be so hard on myself and that it’s better to have a friend in myself rather than an enemy.
Positive of the day: I’m back home for the bank holiday weekend and get to see all of my friends and family!