I find I’m contanstly battling negative feelings or unfortunate situations and getting this horrible feeling of anger or self pity.
This morning i had a notification on my phone saying my card was declined for a payment that should’ve gone through yesterday and I literally started my day with a bitterly sarcastic exclamation of ‘fantastic’.
I instantly took it out on my partner demanding he got in the shower immediately. Making comparisons to my old job where it’ll cost me £35 in petrol a week max and yesterday it cost me £22 alone. It was an unfair comparison and Matt obliged willingly not wanting to aggravate me more on this overcast Tuesday morning.
I got on the train and text him to apologise and then instantly sent him another text when I saw how much my trains were on Sunday. It was like the apology was redundant because I had something new to be angry about.
I then messaged two of my best friends and my mum to have the same rant. I was not over it. Not even slightly!
After some supportive words from my mum, I thought okay – now I’ve gotta let it go.
I remember talking to one of Matt’s colleagues after work one night after a few too many glasses of wine.
He has a new born and travels from near Brighton everyday to Surrey. He is a man who has learnt to live on next to no sleep every night. He 100% has a reason to be pissed off when the trains late or delayed but he told me one thing that really stuck with me. He said if I you spent all the time getting angry about things so little and insignificant, you’d just spend your whole life being miserable.
As someone who spent a considerable amount of time being miserable, I did not want to do that again. I thought, what a great piece of advice. He suggested I spend the time doing something I really liked doing like reading or listening to music and let the rest go.
So today, as I was flustered, frustrated and angry at life, I made the conscious decision to just let it go. Not to let it get my down and get on with the rest of my day.
If we spend our whole lives holding onto the little things that piss us off, we’ll permanently be in a state of misery and I don’t want to do that ever again.
Positive of the day: I get to run a session in my best friends school later in the year!